The Five Worst Places to Live as a Newly Arrived Expat

Every expat knows how difficult it can be to find accommodation upon arrival. Sometimes, this leads to rather absurd housing situations. Here’s a more humorous take on a potentially stressful topic.

1) The Single Room:

It’s actually perfectly fine, and it has everything you need: kitchenette, bed, desk, TV, etc. There is only one tiny problem: Whenever you have someone over, it kind of feels as if you’re bringing a victim back to your lair.

2) The Hotel/Motel Room:

Though it’s meant as a short-term solution until you find your feet, you sometimes end up staying there for a bit longer than you should: It’s the VIP lifestyle, and it just feels so good. The bathroom is always clean, the towels are dry and fluffy, and your bed is neatly made with close-to-military precision when you come home.

But when you realize that you’ve spent the last twenty minutes drumming your fingers on the reception desk, politely turning away to fondle brochures when new guests arrive to check-in and sardonically rolling your eyes at Gustav, the affable Swedish clerk, when they leave, it’s probably high time to find your own place.

3) The Unfurnished Room:

In the movies, it would be great. You’d dine by candlelight, dance across oakwood floors with your romantic interest, and would be gently awoken by the caress of the sun’s rays while cuddling with your new-found love on a chic futon.

But in reality, you wake up feeling like you returned home to a scene from a news report on a campsite bear attack – crisp packets and empty Coke cans strewn across the floor, a jumbled-up sleeping bag in the corner, dirty laundry lying in chaotic heaps, and a general sense of “why? What am I even doing here?”

4) The Sixth-Floor Apartment Without Elevator:

A classic case of “I don’t mind! It will force me to exercise more and keep me fit.” You were wrong. You have never been more wrong.

And when did you realize? Quite often actually. From the first day you lugged your suitcases up the stairs, to the days when, breathless by the third floor, you had to grab the bannister for leverage and quite literally hurl yourself up the stairs.

Or whenever your six-foot tall, gorgeous German neighbor easily glides by, a lycra-clad appearance who’s just finished running ─ you decide in your self-deprecating humor ─ at least five consecutive marathons. Gosh, how you love to hate him.

5) The Somehow Always Dirty Dump:

Despite putting on a hazmat suit, grabbing a can of weapon-grade bleach and a sponge so rough it would make a hedgehog blush, somehow you can’t get your new abode as squeaky-clean as you’d like.

The small studio always seems vaguely grubby, and the flies make it look like the set of an Oxfam ad. But, hey, the rent’s still affordable and it wasn’t hard to find that room. Now you also know why.

Does this sound all too familiar? Let us hear your stories!

(Image credit: pixabay.com)